On February 12, two days before Valentine’s day, Barbie(R) and Ken(R), of Mattel(R) fame, announced their break-up through their business manager, Russell Arons. Their 43-year relationship was considered a storybook romance, influencing generations of young people to participate in long-term relationships with no plans for marriage. For decades, Barbie and Ken were able to maintain their unconventional relationship while reinforcing traditional societal mores in almost every other way.
Barbie and Ken have recently appeared together in a number of movies, including Swan Lake, Rapunzel, and The Nutcracker. Although the movies gained some popularity in the direct-to-video market, both actors were completely shut out of this year’s Academy Awards. Hollywood insiders say the snub caused some conflict in the relationship. The situation was further exacerbated by reports that the pair’s forthcoming “Prince and the Pauper” movie faces production delays, moving the release date back for the third time.
Although spokespeople for Barbie and Ken claim the couple remain close friends, those close to the couple report that Ken has secluded himself in his Miami condo, while Barbie has been spotted at the blackjack table in numerous Las Vegas casinos.
While many have criticized the break-up as blatant “Benifer”-style media whoring, those in the know consider the break-up an unsurprising development in a long-troubled partnership. To prove that point, we present Barbie and Ken: A Retrospective of Love, Plastic-Style.
1961: Barbie and Ken meet on the set of a tv commercial. Knowing a meal ticket when she sees one, Barbie quickly wins Ken over with her dainty, permanently arched feet and unbelievably large breasts. Barbie is willing to overlook Ken’s plastic-y, shellacked hairstyle because of rumors that he drives a Corvette.
1964: Unhappy that Ken has not yet proposed, Barbie meets G.I. Joe and begins one of the longest-running and most talked about affairs in toy history. Ken suspects something is afoot, but says nothing out of fear of retribution from the significantly more aggressive Joe.
1972: In response to the social climate of the times, Barbie and Ken take on multiple sexual partners, experimenting in activities that result in Ken’s leg popping off. Although Ken’s injury is easily repaired with a pair of pliers, Ken must take extra care when putting on his pants for the rest of his life.
1983: Barbie meets He-man, and they have a brief and unsuccessful relationship. He-man suffers from very low self-image due to the significant height difference between the two. He is openly jealous of Ken, despite Barbie’s assurances. The tabloids create a stir by running photos of He-man and Barbie’s angry break-up outside of a popular nightclub.
1985: Rumors swirl that Ken is involved with Barbie’s long-time “other man”, G.I. Joe. When faced with dishonorable discharge from the Army, Joe quickly and publicly denies the rumors. Ken is devastated.
1987: Barbie fronts the girl band The Rockers. The girls are known to wreck hotel rooms and engage in illicit behavior after shows. Ken goes on tour with The Rockers, but spends most of his time smoking weed with the roadies.
1989: Barbie flunks out of college, saying “Math is hard.” Indeed, math *is* hard, but insiders report that Barbie’s bout with Hepatitis C forced her to miss most of her classes for much of the semester. Ken graduates Summa Cum Laude from State University and goes to work in the insurance industry.
1990-1999: Without a college degree, Barbie has difficulties finding and holding a job. Barbie works briefly as a business woman, a ballerina, a doctor, a racecar driver and a fry cook, among other things. Eventually Barbie decides to be an out-of-work actress, and goes back to spending most of her time shopping and pretending to get married. Ken finances the spending sprees.
2000: After some much-publicized plastic surgery, Barbie starts a bid for the presidency. Unfortunately, Barbie doesn’t poll well with the Greens, and she loses the Green Party nomination to Ralph Nader. Ken works “behind the scenes” for the Nader campaign, resulting in what many call “the beginning of the end” for Barbie and Ken.
2004: Barbie and Ken announce their break-up after more than 40 years “together.” Barbie learns to surf and buys a tanning bed to complete her new “Cali Girl” look. It is widely argued that Barbie is publicly embracing the promiscuous lifestyel she has been living secretly for so long.
***
Read the official press release: http://www.shareholder.com/mattel/news/20040212-128705.cfm