Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first edition of a new semi-regular feature on Geektastic: The Wrigley Report. This is not quite a sports feature, as I am not quite a sports person. Instead, think of it as a cultural experiment. Or something like that.
Game Day: April 10, 2005
Seats: Section 224, row 7, obstructed view seats purchased 1-1/2 hours before the first pitch.
Ceremonial First Pitch/7th Inning Stretch Celebrity: Jeremey Piven. Overheard conversation:
Guy 1: Who’s Jimmy Piven?
Guy 2: He was in Grosse Point Blank
Guy 1: No, that was John Cusak.
Guy 3: PCA, Dude.
Guy 2: and he was the principal in Old School, dude.
Guy 1: Dude.
Fashion Report: The tube top density was low, due mostly to the arctic Wrigleyville wind coming off of the lake. Shorts-clad frat boys were in full effect, though, obviously forgetting that it’s APRIL for God’s sake.
Last year’s “Cubbie Pink” has been replaced by a new team uniform abomination, “Cubbie Red,” proving yet again that a large percentage of Wrigley Field patrons have no idea what the hell the team colors are. Listen up, Trixie: Blue. White with blue pinstripes. Grey and blue. THOSE ARE YOUR CHOICES.
Where not to go: The most obnoxious fans in the crowd will always announce what bar they are going to after the game (or rather, after they stop serving beer at the end of the seventh). Now, I have never heard of “Tunes” but judging by the number of times I heard “Dude, let’s go to Tunes” it is not a place I will be going any time soon.
Dude factor: (The ratio of the word “dude” in relation to other words in the sentence) 1:20. Not horrible, mainly because the obnoxious Brewers fans behind us left in the middle of the eighth, leaving us with 4 glorious innings of peace.