Ooohwee, it’s been a while, eh? I was in Cincinnati for work for most of this week, but I did do some writing on the plane trips. Overall, pretty terrible:
A bakery that makes girl scout cookies is pulling some batches of its lemon chalet cremes because of complaints of a foul smell. Upon further investigation, the bakery found that the affected cookies were fine – the problem was actually due to girl scout Michelle “Stinky” Jones delivering the cookies in unseasonably warm weather.(Barf.)
A tsunami warning in Hawaii was canceled after the large waves expected never materialized. However, various conservative groups still demanded to see the tsunami’s birth certificate.
Three days after Tilikum, the largest Orca in captivity, attacked and killed its trainer, Sea World announced that it would resume its killer whale shows. The shows would have started up again sooner except that Southwest Airlines refused to let Shamu board the plane that was to take him there.
As E.U. countries consider a bail-out of the bankrupt Greek government, the chief economist at the Center for European Reform said that in order to sell the bail-out plan to the skeptical German public, the Greeks must be seen “suffering.” In order to bring Greek suffering up to a level acceptable to the German public, the Greek government has provided each citizen with a copy of David Hasselhoff’s greatest hits.
Senator Jim Bunning, who had been filibustering a jobs bill, relented on Tuesday, after his amendment to the bill was voted down. In a show of bipartisan unity, Senators from both sides of the aisle voted down the Kentucky Senator’s amendment, which would have required everyone receiving unemployment benefits to wear string ties and white linen suits. HAHAHAH COLONEL SANDERS.
On Wednesday, gay marriage became legal in Washington D.C.The move is expected to bring in a flood of even more closeted Republicans.
