I know I shouldn’t write these all the night before my class, but I couldn’t write anything while I was in Cincinnati because, well, CINCINNATI. There’s nothing funny about southern Ohio. It’s sort of the colon of America. Located somewhere below the beer belly of the midwest and just above the rectum and shitpile of the south. They put CHILI on their hot dogs fer Chrissakes. WTF.
Celebrity Birthday: Alan Greenspan turns 84 on Saturday… Even in retirement, Greenspan is highly influential. He’s on so many different medications, he’s created a pharmaceutical bubble based on his sub-prime health.
The U.S. Postal Service announced a plan to eliminate Saturday deliveries, cutting mail service to 5 days a week. So you might have to wait an extra day to receive the one letter a year you get from your Grandmother.
The 8.8 magnitude earthquake off the coast of Chile was so powerful that it sped up the earth’s rotation, shortening our days by about 1.6 microseconds.The good news is: Jay Leno’s show will now be 1.6 microseconds shorter.
More than three million New York cable tv subscribers may miss Sunday night’s Academy Awards broadcast due to a standoff between ABC and Cablevision. In order to attract would-be Oscar viewers, CBS’s Undercover Boss will feature 7-11 President Joseph DePinto modeling designer ball gowns.
Grateful Dead-inspired jam band Phish plans to release a 3D concert film in theaters next month. In stock market news, concession stand futures were sharply up.
