More rumors that Matt Clement may go to Boston for Nomah Gahciaparrah. Geektastic has been a Cubs fan for less than one season, and we cannot stand the thought of losing one of our guys. Maybe we’re not cut out for professional sports fandom… We understand that Garciaparra is a pretty good hitter, but his goatee does not even come close to measuring up.
The Flying Gaonas Gym in Lincoln Park offers flying trapeze classes for beginners. A 90-minute class is just $40. No word yet on whether you have to wear the Lincoln Park uniform of tight black bar pants and a halter top…
Former Cub Eric Karros has been designated by the Oakland A’s for assignment. We have no idea what this means, but we thought a good sports post would make up for all the political talk we’ve done today. We think this is probably not good news for Karros, whose batting average is just .194 this year. As Geektastic understands fashion trends more than we understand sports, we have a hard time understanding why a team would want to get rid of the guy who influenced the hygeine of an entire city.
We apologize for all the political posts today, but we were inspired by the sight of the dysfunctional Illinois democratic family putting their differences aside to sit next to each other at little Barack’s recital yesterday.
But like all good family gatherings, this one is about to blow up, we think. We reported (i.e., stole from Michael Sneed) a rumor that there was a Blagojevich scandal brewing, based on the fact that his legal counsel abrubptly resigned. Well. According to WLS, the Gov’s new legal counsel has also resigned. That’s two lawyers in one month. Blagojevich seems to be eating up lawyers the way Mayor Daley tears through chicken wings. (We don’t know that Daley likes chicken wings, but we’re feeling pretty confident in our intuition today.)
Poor Dick Durbin may never achieve the popularity that Obama has already gained, but at least the Daily Herald is showing him some love. This article about Durbin reveals that he has been roommates with fellow overshadowed Senior Senator Chuck Schumer, of New York. Who knew that Senators had roommates? Why hasn’t this been made into a sitcom yet?
We think the democrats over in Boston are messing with Michael “might be a man” Sneed, the Sun Times gossip columnist. Sneed reports not only that Barack Obama requested a Valium while practicing his speech on Tuesday, but also that he stole the tie from around state senator Jimmy DeLeo’s neck. We kind of expected some of the female delegates to throw various items of clothing at Obama, but we had no idea that the men would get involved too…
The Defamer directs us to TVgasm’s montage of big gay footage from Big Brother 5. They claim that romance may be blooming for Decatur-native Jase and another contestant on the show. If we had known there would be even the slightest hint of ass-fucking, we might have actually tuned in.
Michael Sneed’s column today is a veritable soap opera of Illinois politics. Try to keep up: Daley and Blagojevich don’t get along, Blagojevich and Michael Madigan are fueding, Madigan and Durbin haven’t spoken in months, James Carville eats all the food at Blagojevich’s party, and John Cusack loves John Kerry. Fascinating. Who said that Chicago doesn’t have any good gossip? Oh yeah, that was me.
Based on this article in the Daily Herald, Geektastic has compiled the top 5 excuses for not wearing your seatbelt, as given by Rolling Meadows seatbelt scofflaw, Steve Riedner:
1. Violates constitutional freedom to get killed
2. Violates religious right to die whenever God wants you to
3. Restricts vomiting-out-the-window capabilities
4. Irritates open-heart surgery scar
5. Prevents you from standing up in court and making an ass of yourself
The Tribune reports that Illinois schools have eliminated state-mandated writing tests (registration required). The change means that schools will probably focus more attention on reading and less on writing. That’s fine with Geektastic–we are hoping the change will prevent any more writerly Illinoisans from starting up Chicago-themed blogs.
For what it’s worth, we thought about writing this entry in classic five-paragraph essay form, just to prove that our writing instruction in school was worthwile. But then we remembered that five paragraphs is almost an ENTIRE printed page, and we gave up. Oh well.
