Well, I’m trying to get over the crushing disappointment of the day’s events. I’m trying not to be a snob, blaming everything on the ignorant, bible-thumping, slack-jawed southerners. But really, who am I kidding?

I am progressing nicely through the various stages of grief. This morning, in the Bargaining stage, I decided that if I canceled my daily horoscope e-mail subscription, Kerry might pull through in Ohio. See, I read yesterday that all these high-profile Indian astrologers were saying there was no way that Bush would win. So clearly, God hates astrologers, and maybe, JUST MAYBE, if I cancel my horoscope, we will be back in God’s favor.

Right now, I’m in denial. Thanks to Clair Zulkey for her list of pretty pictures. If you need me, I’ll be watching Boy Meets World reruns on the Disney Channel for the next 4 years.

I think I’m going to throw up.

I got up bright and early to vote today (OK, it wasn’t all that early, and it definitly wasn’t bright). So fun. I am not one of those fair-weather voters who never voted until Sean Combs told them to. I have voted in every general election and most primaries since I turned 18. Even the shitty little ones, where there were no democrats running for the school board, and I didn’t punch any holes rather than vote for the uncontested Republican.

I love punching out the little holes. In the last couple of elections, when I lived in Dupage county, the ballots were scantron forms that we filled out with sharpies. Way to totally make voting seem like the ACTs. So I’m so happy that my new precinct has the little punch cards, where you get to use the metal puncher thingy to poke through the holes. FYI, I’ve never had a hanging chad in my life. I punch enthusiastically.

My polling place is at a middle school, and when I planned to get there early, I didn’t consider the scene of a middle school at 8:15a.m. A group of skanky-looking 12 year old girls was huddled out front pointing and laughing at everyone coming in. I gave them the old “oh no you DIDN’T” look, and they moved on to the lady behind me. It sure made me think twice about voting for that new addition to their school. Guess it’ll be trailor classrooms for you bitches next
year! Ha! OK, I’m kidding, there weren’t any school funding referendums to vote on, and even if there were, I always, ALWAYS vote to raise taxes. Whenever possible. I guess I’ll never be running for office now.

Afterwards, I kept having little panic attacks about whether or not I punched the right hole, even though I triple-checked to make sure I got the right one.

If George Bush wins tonight, I just don’t think there will be any way I can go on. Sorry to be overdramatic, but a Bush victory will CRUSH me. How can half of my country actually support this guy?

Also, I successfully installed mt-blacklist today, so I won’t have to deal with all that shitty comment-spam anymore. It only took me my ENTIRE lunch hour to get it to work properly, but it’s working now. Take that, texas-holdem spammer dude!

Ladies and Gentlemen,
I am now officially a freelance writer, in more than the purely theoretical sense:
Buongiorno Cafe
Exciting, no?