A Very Brady Solstice

The husband is at his no-dates-allowed office Christmas party tonight, so it’s just me and my rum and coke on the couch. Probably for the best, since A Very Brady Christmas is on tonight. Jay wouldn’t have watched it with me, and it’s such a bad movie that I wouldn’t have been able to justify watching it.

You see, about 5 years ago, I was living by myself, living it up being a single chick in grad school. Living it up could be an overstatement, but I really did like the Mary Tyler Moore-ish lifestyle, totally independent–no job, no nothing. Just me and my fellowship money and my rhetoric textbooks.

I would spend an entire day in my apartment without speaking to anyone, and it was good. I know that’s hard to understand for all you extroverts out there, but not talking to anyone all day was just about the coolest thing I could think of. I spent all day on Saturday watching the stupid movies on TBS or WGN, like Schwartzenegger Saturday (Predator and T2!). Christmastime was especially good, for whatever reason. Everyone else was wallowing in loneliness or whatever, but I LOVED it. Of course one of my Saturdays involved A Very Brady Christmas, and now I’ve come to associate it with my little studio apartment and total lack of commitments.

Alright. On a totally different note, I was driving to work this morning with WBEZ’s 848 on the radio, because my brain is fragile in the morning and I can’t take music or banter. All of a sudden, I hear a familiar voice. Sort of breathy and maybe a little over-enthusiastic. It’s Reverend Rebecca, the minister that performed my wedding ceremony! On the radio! Talking about Christmas rituals and the Winter solstice! Listen here (Real Audio required). Reverend Rebecca is awesome.

P.S. After watching several episodes of My Fair Brady I totally can not watch Peter Brady. Manipulative pervy old man!

December 21, 2005 | Posted in: Diary | Comments Closed

Politicians are people too (Even the crappy ones)

So in case any of you were considering writing an e-mail to your congressperson chiding him for not participating in several very important votes in the House… And perhaps accusing him of taking an early Christmas break… You might want to consider that he might have been spending some last moments with his son, who might be dying of a terminal disease.

Okay, I feel shitty now. Sorry Henry Hyde. You wouldn’t have voted the way I’d have liked anyway.

December 20, 2005 | Posted in: Politics | Comments Closed

Top 5 (Imaginary) Life Events of 2005

Ahhhh, December. That time of year when thoughts turn to family, friends, and masturbatory end-of-year lists. Here’s mine.

Top 5 (Imaginary) Life Events of 2005

1. January: Doctors discover my rare lettuce allergy. I immediately stop eating the leafy stuff, lose 30 pounds, grow 5 inches. Skin is blemish-free. I never eat salad again.

2. March: Jay and I win $325 million mega-million lottery. Give $1 million to each of our friends. Even give $100,000 to friends we don’t like that much, just to make sure we have appropriate number of friends for such a good-looking, philanthropic couple. I quit my job and devote my life to watching list-based television and writing my novel in a whiskey-induced haze.

3. May: Ira Glass finds my essay “I know so many wacky people” on my blog. Begs me to read it for “This American Life.” Soon after the piece airs, my phone is ringing off the hook. I accept a 6-figure advance to write the story of my life.

4. July: Our $4 million lakefront condo officially becomes perfect when Jennifer Aniston moves into the unit upstairs. Quickly become BFF with Jen; spend days shoe-shopping, spend evenings doing our nails while watching romantic comedies on cable. Vince Vaughn is a heavy walker, but they invite us to all their parties. We rub elbows with Chicago’s biggest (although admitedly limited) celebrities.

5. October: We watch the Cubs win the World Series from the comfort of the Cusak’s skybox. Spend most of the evening drinking beer and making fun of Jeremy Piven. Piven gets handsy with me and Jen, and Jay punches him in the face, yelling “Get yer hands offa my woman, Jimmy Pivens.” Everyone laughs. Cubs win! Cubs win!

December 8, 2005 | Posted in: Diary, Special Features | Comments Closed

Amazon.com: Fun View TV – Volume 1: Video Fireplace, Fish, Snow & More: DVD

At $9.95, Amazon.com: Fun View TV is not the cheapest DVD fireplace you can get, but it might be the best. Not only does it have the virtual fireplace (with real crackling and popping noises!), but it also has a virtual aquarium (with fake bubbling water noises!), virtual disco floors (3 styles with real awful disco music!), virtual beach scene, virtual fireworks, 2 virtual snowfall scenes, AND SO MUCH MORE. I bought this so we’d have a nice fire for our party tomorrow, but now that I have all these options, I just don’t know which to play.

December 2, 2005 | Posted in: Total Waste of Money | Comments Closed