Is it supposed to feel like a spike’s going through my hand?

My husband (Sporto) and I had our first tennis lessons today. I didn’t think there was anything I would like less than jogging, but here it is. Tennis is the devil’s sport, and our instructor, Chip (something like that), is the devil’s aryan little minion.

I have been serving the ball wrong for my entire life, at least the entire 5 times I’ve ever played tennis. As a result, I was whiffing the ball all over the place, with Sporto showing me up the entire time. At some point, I believe Chip got tired of telling me to pronate my wrist and just started ignoring me in favor of my Sport-happy husband, who by the way looked like he was all whacked out on PCP because his eyes were so bloodshot. I mean, when I pronate my foot, I get bursitis in my ankle, so why do I want to do that with my wrist?

The worst part is that my remote control clicking muscle is sore now. Oh the humanity!

January 25, 2006 | Geektastic | Comments Closed

To Adrian Brody on the occasion of the Golden Globe Awards

Dear Adrian Brody,
Saw you on the Golden Globes tonight. Takes a brave man to wear an ascot, you know? And the greasy mullet? Well, what can I say? I know you owned these awards shows two years ago (or was it three?), so I guess you get a pass. Or at least, you’re on the waiting list for passes. But I think you might be trying too hard. Trying too hard to do what, I’m not sure… As far as the 70′s porn star look goes, Jason Lee clearly had you beat with the pornstache and bow tie. Unconventional neckwear/throwback hairstyle combo? I kind of liked Matt Dillon’s skinny tie/crew cut. If I had to guess, I’d say you looked a lot like a strip club smells. OK, I’ve never been to a strip club, and I couldn’t smell you from home… In your defense, that ascot would have looked SUPER gay with a cleaner hairstyle, so maybe you made the right choice after all.

January 16, 2006 | Geektastic | Comments Closed