I heard a DJ on the radio say that Lollapalooza’s two mainstages are so far apart, girls will want to think twice about wearing their hottest pair of stilettos to the festival.

The idea of girls wearing stilettos to Lollapalooza is completely horrifying. Has the world gone insane? Stilettos at Lollapalooza? Who are these people?

Now I know how the hippies felt when those DMB fratboys tried to have their own Woodstock. You’re doing it wrong! You’re messing it up!

P.S. A radio station is giving away free gas (freak-ass) at the BP station by my house. When I say “by my house” I mean “about 600 feet from my house.” It is the most excitement our little street has seen in years, maybe ever. It took me 30 minutes to drive the last 1/2 mile to my house. After an hour and a half in my car, I couldn’t stand to sit in any more traffic, so I didn’t even get any free gas. I already have a half tank, and my time is worth more than the $15 I would reap in free gas.

Right now, hundreds of cars are sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic in my backyard. Don’t you wish you could live next door to a gas station?