So after switching Mo’s formula to one with added rice, we seemed to fix the reflux issue, but created a pooping issue. So we watered down the formula, and her pooping only got a little better, but the reflux maybe started bothering her again? And then she was too uncomfortable to nap, so we also had to deal with over-tiredness. Yikes. All I know is I spent Memorial Day fighting through some of the worst screaming and crying I’ve ever heard.

The doctor says this is most likely just regular fussiness that she’ll grow out of in a month or two. A MONTH OR TWO? How would I ever be able to handle another 30-60 days like yesterday? That is some seriously disconcerting news. Thank god she seems to have an automatic off switch that goes off at 8 p.m. She had a good night of sleep (I got close to 8 hours of sleep!) and she has been napping well today. Right now she’s 2 hours and 15 minutes into her afternoon nap, and I’m once again having to decide whether to wake her up to keep her on schedule or let her sleep…

Why can’t she just sleep the exact amount I expect her to?

So I’ve seen this Il Volo group on a couple of shows in the last few weeks… They are currently on Ellen, and I have to say, I am not buying what they’re selling. Every once in a while, one of these crappy acts pops up, and they somehow manage to get plastered all over tv based on their foreign-ness or some shit. Rock-and-roll violin guy, I’m looking at you.

I think all it takes to get on these shows is a eurotrash wardrobe and an anachronistic music genre. And a really good manager, obvs. I mean, don’t get me wrong, rock-and-roll violin guy is an excellent violinist. Il Volo seems to be better than average at opera. But that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t like either of these types of music. You think you’re going to trick me by having it performed by a good looking young man? HECK NO.

Of course the ironic part is that I will gladly watch UNTALENTED good-looking young men sing POP music, no matter how god-awful the song is. Whatever. I’m complicated. Or rather: I’m American. It doesn’t have to be good for me to like it. I like cheese whiz too.

Good news: Mo started sleeping through the night this weekend!
Related news: She is making up for the missed feeding by eating 6 oz per feeding during the day.
Bad news: Her stomach is not 6 oz big, so now we seem to be dealing with reflux.

Fuck.fuck.fuck.

She hasn’t really napped in 2 or 3 days, and she is fussy almost all day. Somehow it hasn’t seemed affect her nighttime sleep yet. I’m hoping we can fix this before that becomes a problem.

Blah.

The problem with figuring out how to get Mo to take her naps is that SHE SLEEPS MOST OF THE TIME. We are on a 3 to 3-1/3 hour schedule, so she wakes up, eats and plays for the first hour to hour and a half. Then she sleeps for 2 hours. This is pretty much the kind of schedule I’ve read about being recommended for a baby her age. But: it. is. so. boring.

I wanted to take a long walk today because it’s so nice outside, so she skipped her 3-5 p.m. nap, and now she’s overtired and won’t go to sleep for her 6-8 p.m. nap. So I’m sitting here feeling guilty that I put my desire for a walk ahead of her need for sleep, and also afraid that she will cry for the rest of the night (has never happened, ridiculous concern). In trying to keep her in the appropriate 14-15 hours of sleep per day, I am becoming a slave to her nap times. I am starting to miss regular adult interaction, which is saying a lot for someone as introverted as I am. It took me 6 weeks to get to this point, but I am secretly (not so secretly) looking forward to going back to work and letting the nanny deal with the naps. I know I’ll feel differently when I’m sitting in my hideous beige cubicle while she’s learning to roll over and crawl, but I never thought sitting at home for 3 months could induce so much anxiety in me.

Anyway, I probably shouldn’t just use this space to complain about her non-existent sleeping problems every day. She’s a great sleeper and is close to sleeping through the night, so it really is just me obsessing over nothing. She also has started smiling — huge, open-mouthed, toothless smiles that make me want to cry because she is the cutest thing ever. So you see, this staying at home business is really not as horrible and unfulfilling as I might make it sound.

I think we finally beat the 2-6 week level of the parenting video game… The 6-week growth spurt boss is behind us, and our little Mo is ready to start the 6-12 week level.

Mo slept for 9 hours on Saturday night. Unfortunately, her 9 hours started at 7:30 p.m., so I still had to get up at 4 a.m. She did 8 hours last night, also starting at 7:30. How do I start the timer at 11 pm? We’re going to try waking her up to eat at 10:30 today, but based on past experiences, that probably won’t do the trick. We’ll see.

Her naps have also improved. Some things that I think have contributed to less crying at naptime:

I’m no longer waking her up to eat. She seems to be on her own 3 to 3-1/2 hour schedule anyway, so there’s no need to wake her up.

I’m not being such a schedule nazi about her naptime. I wait until she is basically asleep and then move her to her crib. She wakes up, but has been able to soothe herself back to sleep after about 5 minutes of crying. No more forcing her to lay in the crib until she’s asleep.

White noise machine. It has some kind of hypnotic hold over her.

Unswaddling one arm. She was getting soooo mad about being swaddled, but her arms still flail a LOT when she sleeps. We compromised with one arm out. Only for naps. We’re not messing with that 8-9 hour nighttime sleep. yet.

I’m sure I’m jynxing myself, and she won’t sleep at all tomorrow, but the last two days have been pretty good. I think I’ll probably keep her!

and so is this week six growth spurt…

So much for the schedule. Mo has been eating every 2 to 2-1/2 hours, and she’ll only eat a few ounces at a time. After that she screams and whines, even though i can tell she’s still hungry. She napped for an hour this morning but spent the rest of the day fussing and crying.

Oh well.. I knew the last few day were too good to last. Let’s hope she’s back to her old self soon so I can resume my regularly scheduled quiet reading and pedicure time.

As soon as I published that last post, Mo started crying and she is refusing to take her evening nap. Obviously that would happen. So now she’s sitting in her bouncy chair with me on the couch, hangin’ out. Hopefully falling asleep.

In today’s episode of “Being a Stay at Home Mom is the Hardest Work There Is,” I gave myself a pedicure and read a book while sitting outside in the sun.

I was reading a message board for my cohort on What to Expect When You’re Expecting and realized just how lucky I am to have an easy baby. While a lot of the women on that board are posting about how they haven’t showered in weeks and they don’t even have time to poop and what’s a toothbrush again?… I have showered every day of my maternity leave, during Mo’s morning nap. I’ve read 3 books, done countless loads of laundry and even started cooking some rather elaborate dinners.

Yesterday, after a week of fighting Mo over naps, she finally seemed to get it and started going to sleep on her own within a few minutes of getting put in her crib. Even though I spent so much time worrying about getting her to do it, when she finally started doing it, I still felt like maybe something was wrong with her. That’s my life now — worryworryworry. If it’s not one thing it’s another.

I found this quote today that kind of spoke to me: “That feeling of being left at the end of the day with yourself … the everyday experience of being a parent, being up against your own monologue whomever you are talking to.” I totally feel this. Maybe since Mo has been pretty easy so far, and I’ve had too much time to sit and think, but I am constantly second-guessing everything and worrying about every little thing.

Ugh. Anyway. Yesterday, with the naps all in place, I was having to wake Mo up to eat, and she was so sleepy that she would only eat 2 ounces or so and then fall back asleep. So then I would burp her and she’d wake back up and be hungry and eat another ounce or so. Then, after I changed her diaper and she was still sleepy, I’d go to put her back to bed and she’d cry because she was still hungry, so I’d feed her another 2 ounces (she regularly eats 5 ounces at a time). But then, since almost a whole hour had passed since she originally woke up, she was only about an hour and half away from her next scheduled feeding, and then she wasn’t all that hungry for that feeding either.

So today, I switched her to a 3-3.5 hour schedule instead of a 2.5-3 hour schedule. She didn’t actually make it to 3.5 hours, so really, she’s just on a straight 3 hour schedule. It seems to be working out pretty well. I’m hopeful that this will lead to her sleeping through the night very soon. (Once she does that, what will I have to complain about?)

Mo slept 6 hours on Saturday night! 11 pm to 5 am is not exactly a full night’s sleep for most normal human beings, but for a 5 week old human-ish baby, I’m not complaining. She hasn’t repeated the feat since then, but we’re working on it. I know it’s just a matter of time – hopefully less time as opposed to more. I feel like it could be any day now. I’m not asking for a lot – I would settle for 11 pm to 6 am for the time being. Jay gets up around 6, so I’d consider that to be morning.

Today my hectic schedule included reading a book on the patio, gardening and taking a walk. Whew. it’s so hard to be me sometimes.

I was shocked to realize that my disability leave ends this week. If I couldn’t afford to take some unpaid time off, I’d have to go back to work on Monday. Holy crap, what a travesty. Not to get all pinko on you (right, like I care about that), but I can’t believe this country doesn’t have better maternity leave. For all the lip service those mofos give to “family values” you’d think they’d want to encourage people to spend some time with their newborn babies. I guess “family values” are only good for rich people who don’t have to work.

So anyway, we are totally blessed (lucky? What is the right term for what we are? Oh yeah, privileged) that I can take an additional 6 weeks unpaid. Still, 12 weeks is the maximum I can take before they will give my job away, and I like my job, so that’s all I’m going to take. Still not nearly long enough, though. I think 6 months is an appropriate amount of time. Maybe at 50% pay. Vote for me!

It’s bad to wake a sleeping baby: fact or fiction? | Psychology Today.

It’s ok, it’s not ok. It’s ok, it’s not ok.

SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT TO DO.