[a woman is gardening in her front yard. a neighbor approaches.]
Neighbor: Hey neighbor!
Woman: [standing up.] oh, hello there.
Neighbor: [awkwardly making small talk before getting to his point.] Those tulips are looking pretty nice!
Woman: Oh, uh, thanks. I picked up the bulbs while I was in Holland last summer. These are the best Dutch tulips money can buy. Better than that crap that comes from Michigan.
Neighbor: Ha. Of course, of course. They just don’t make em like that over here.
Woman: So what can I do for you? I can’t stand around all day you know. I’m in the middle of reading Crime and Punishment, and I can’t wait to get back to it. No one tells a tale like Dostoyesky. I only read the classics, you know.
Neighbor: Oh, I know. well, the reason for my visit is that the wife and I noticed you still have your Christmas lights up on the house. I was wondering if I could offer my services to take them down. I know it must be difficult for a busy lady like yourself to get around to all the yardwork, so i’d be happy to help!
Woman: Now look here, you rube. those aren’t Christmas lights. Obviously I wouldn’t have Christmas lights up on my house a week afte Easter. what do you think I’m one of those rednecks? No sir, those there are Italian lights. Italian lights,see, are those delicate little white lights that you see adorning a nice Italian cafe or Osteria. like in Rome, you see?
Neighbor: Oh, Italian lights, huh?
[laughing] I would have thought that even a guy like you would know about something as common as Italian lights. but I guess you really don’t get out much.
Neighbor: No, you’re righ.. I really should have known that. I mean, it’s pretty obvious now that I look around. And I suppose that Michaelangelo carved that plastic Santa.
[Woman looks embarrassed.]
Blackout.