COMMERCIAL PARODY 2 (Stage)

A man in khaki pants and a blue polo shirt stands at a countertop. Ingredients and a blender are displayed neatly in bowls, like a cooking show.

Hi! I’m Willie Hayes, and I’m here to tell you about a new device that will revolutionize the way you work in the kitchen.

Are you tired of traditional blenders, with their dangerous blades, confusing buttons and complicated lid systems?

He holds up the pitcher of a blender and tries unsuccessfully to put the lid on it.

Now there’s a better way! Take a look at Mr. Blender, the quickest, easiest way to blend, grind and/or chop your food.

A man walks on stage and positions himself behind the counter. His t-shirt says “Mr. Blender.”

Want a strawberry banana smoothie? NO PROBLEM. Mr. Blender is on the job! You don’t even need to peel the banana. Just place the strawberries, banana and a little frozen yogurt in front of Mr. Blender, and watch the magic happen.

He places all the ingredients in a large bowl in front of Mr. Blender. Mr. Blender mashes everything together with his hands and scoops it into a glass. Will Hayes takes a sip with a straw.

DELICIOUS!

(continued?)

But that’s not all!

More than just a blender, Mr. Blender also chops and grinds. Homemade peanut butter is a great healthy alternative to store-bought brands with their additives and preservatives. But chopping peanuts by hand is hard work! That’s where Mr. Blender comes in.

Just feed the peanuts into Mr. Blender’s grinding compartment and in just a few seconds…

He dumps half a cup of peanuts into Mr. Blender’s mouth. Mr. Blender chews the peanuts.

Mr. Blender chops and grinds the peanuts to the exact consistency you want.

He holds a cup up to Mr. Blender’s mouth. Mr. Blender spits the chewed up peanuts into the cup.

Wonderful!

Spreading the chewed-up peanuts onto a slice of bread:

So, if you’re tired of complicated traditional blenders, Mr. Blender can help! Call now to reserve yours today!

He takes a bite of the sandwich.

DELICIOUS!

COMMERCIAL PARODY 1 (Filmed)

Father is making coffee. Daughter comes downstairs in a robe and sits down at the kitchen table.

FATHER
You were out late last night.

DAUGHTER
Oh, Dad. I’m not a little girl anymore.

FATHER
I know. But still, it was late.

DAUGHTER
Well, you aren’t going to have to worry about that anymore.

(cut to engagement ring on daughter’s finger, then cut to father smiling.)

ANNOUNCER
For overbearing fathers, whose adult daughters can’t take care of themselves, Oldgers coffee has been reinforcing traditional gender stereotypes for generations.

Cut to sepia-toned old timey dad, daughter and man, dressed as pioneers. The man has 2 goats. All three are drinking coffee.

DAD
My daughter is not very smart, but she has a strong back. With these two goats and some Oldgers coffee, she will make you a happy man.

All three look at the camera and smile. The daughter hugs her new husband.

Cut to an old couple sitting on rocking chairs on a large front porch of a house surrounded by a wheat field.

ANNOUNCER
Oldgers coffee is the coffee of choice for traditionalists, moralists and sentimentalists around the world…

Cut to black and white scene of a man sitting at a table, reading a newspaper. Woman (pregnant, but wearing pearls and high heels) is cooking breakfast in the kitchen.

HUSBAND
Well, I’ll be! This coffee is actually good. You finally learned how to make something that doesn’t make me sick to my stomach!

WIFE
Oh, I’m still a horrible cook, dear. But now that I’ve found Oldgers Coffee, I can spend less time trying to make you a tasty cup of coffee, and more time vacuuming the house in high heels…

They both turn to the camera and smile.

(Musical interlude, with a collage of photographs from various middle class vignettes)
Jingle: The best part of waking up… is living in the past.

Cut back to the first man and daughter.

DAUGHTER
I’m so happy to have found another man to keep me under control.

DAD
He’s a lucky man… At least that’s what I told him when we talked last week.

Flashback to a week earlier. Dad shakes man’s hand and gives him 2 goats.

Fade out.