Interior – an auditorium. The scene opens on a wide shot of a full auditorium, and then cuts to a medium shot, fixed on two rows. A married couple sits in the back row. The man holds a video camera. In the front row, a woman is sitting next to an open seat. There is piano music playing. The music ends, and the lights come up. She snaps a few photos, and waves towards the stage…

Married Woman
(to the other woman) Oooh was that your daughter up there?

WOMAN
Yes. She was a little nervous, but she was soooo excited to put on her little tutu for her first dance recital.

MARRIED WOMAN
Well she did GREAT. Our daughter Jamie is 12. She’s been doing these things for so long, she’s like a pro.

WOMAN
I’m sure she’ll do great. Hey – you know I heard the local newspaper is sending a theater critic to cover the recital… I wonder where he’s sitting?

Stefon enters, wearing vinyl pants and a tight graphic t-shirt. He has to climb over Julia to get to his seat.

STEFON
Excuse me… Theater critic… Excuse me… Hiiii.

WOMAN
(Slightly confused, a little uncomfortable) Hi.

STEFON
Wow, this space is great! It reminds me of New York’s hottest club: CHEEKS. Where club promoter Bitch McCockle has thought of everything: Strobe lights, assless chaps, dogs wearing tiny fireman hats, paste-eating loners, sock people.

WOMAN
Sock people?

STEFON
You know, it’s that thing when it looks like you have a sock over your head, but there’s holes cut out for your eyes, and it ends just below your mouth, so your breath kind of condenses on the wool?

WOMAN
Seriously. I have no idea what you’re talking about.

MARRIED WOMAN
Sshhh… They’re about to start!

The lights dim a little, and piano music starts to play. Stefon is overjoyed.

STEFON
Oh my god! The costumes! It’s like something straight out of New York’s hottest club: STACHE. And they have thought of everything! Sequins, feathers, little girls with uncle fester makeup, big-eyed mole people, horror-funk music.

WOMAN
What’s horror-funk music?

STEFON
You know, it’s like a psycho in the woods at night beside a still, still lake, and all you can hear is crickets alongside the distant tear of the chainsaw through sweaty adolescent flesh.

MARRIED WOMAN
Do you mind being quiet? My daughter is up there….

STEFON
(Trying to contain himself) Mhmmmm…

He dances in his seat to the piano music from the recital.

MARRIED MAN
Hey buddy… Come on! I’m trying to take video.

STEFON
Oh yes! You must get this on video. The dancing reminds me of New York’s hottest club: OONTZ. Ten year old Berlin club promoter Liesl von Stubenheimer is BACK! And this time he’s gone all out: go-go cages, clown core music, Siamese twins that look like Ann Coulter, Wizard of Oz People…

MARRIED MAN
Dude, that sounds like something a delirious gay man might hallucinate at Disney on Ice.

The music ends. The lights come up, and everyone applauds.

STEFON
That was fabulous.

MARRIED MAN
Hey, you know what would be fabulous? Dessert at Baker’s Square. They have everything: Pie, adult contemporary muzak, no-nonsense waitresses, paper napkins….

STEFON
Ooooh!

They all get up and leave.