Gossip Girl: Kenosha
Intro: Same audio as the regular Gossip Girl, but instead of the photo of Manhattan at night, there’s a photo of Main Street, Kenosha. Music, with whispering.
In red letters, the word “KENOSHA” is rubber stamped on top of the Gossip Girl logo.
Interior – a homey kitchen. The mother is chopping vegetables. A sullen looking teenager in overly stylized gossip-girl clothes and too much makeup sits at the kitchen table. A teenage girl (Sarah) in jeans and a t-shirt walks in the back door.
SARAH
Hi Mom.
MOM
Hi Sarah! I hope you had a nice day at school, dear. Look who’s here to visit – it’s your cousin Jenny Humphrey from Manhattan! She was just telling me about all her exciting adventures on the Upper East Side.
DAUGHTER
Oh, wow! I can’t wait to hear about it. New York is so glamorous! So what brings you to good old Kenosha, Wisconsin?
JENNY
Yeah, well, I was totally the Queen Bee at the elite Constance Billard Private School, despite my slightly rough background as the daughter of a successful 90’s rock musician. With my edgy style and ambitious attitude I took the Upper East Side by storm. That is, until a local gossip blog broke a story about me dating a drug dealer, and that’s when my dad sent me here.
MOM
Jenny is going to stay with us for a few months until she goes off to college in the Fall.
SARAH
Don’t worry, Jenny, I’ll show you the ropes. I bet Manhattan isn’t that much different than life here in Kenosha Wisconsin!
(whispering to Jenny) I have cigarettes!
Cut to a high school hallway. Lockers line the hallway. Two boys are talking to each other.
BILLY
Hey, did you see the new girl?
JIMMY
Yeah, she’s totally hot.
BILLY
Yeah, I guess so. She kind of dresses like a drag queen, though.
Sarah and Jenny approach. Jenny looks out of place, dressed in super trendy clothes with dark, thick eyeliner, compared to the jeans and t-shirts of the more average looking high school kids.
SARAH
So this is my locker, and these two blockheads are Billy and Jimmy. Due to the alphabetical misfortune of being born with a last name that starts with M, I am fated to be plagued by these two until graduation. Or until one or both flunk out of school.
She sticks her tongue out at them, they mimic her and walk away, laughing.
JENNY
You know, when I was having trouble with some people at school, what I did was stop going to school, start my own fashion line and live in an apartment with models until I could humiliate my rivals in a social coup and return to my place as queen bee.
SARAH
Oh, uh… Thanks for the advice. I know! I’ll plant this marijuana in their lockers… They’ll get suspended for sure.
Cut to exterior, nighttime. Jenny and Sarah are sitting on hay bales in a grassy field, sipping out of plastic solo cups.
SARAH
I know Kenosha isn’t shaping up to be as exciting as you’d hoped. But Melissa throws the best keg parties. We always hide the keg in the trees behind where the bonfire is, and her parents never come out to bother us.
Jenny
I don’t normally drink beer.
Two other girls approach.
GIRL 1
Hey Sarah. Hi Jenny. This is such a cool party, right?
GIRL 2
What are your keg parties like in Manhattan, Jenny?
JENNY
Um, we don’t really have keg parties in Manhattan. Usually we just hit a couple clubs, and then at the afterparty is when it really gets crazy.
SARAH
Hey – wanna go do a kegstand?
JENNY
(resigned to the situation) Sure, why not?
Red and blue police lights flash, everyone scatters as the police bust up the party. Cut to the interior of a car. The mom is driving.
MOM
I cannot BELIEVE you girls would get into this kind of trouble. Jenny – I don’t know what you do in Manhattan, but here in Kenosha, 17 year olds do not go to keg parties. I’m ashamed of you both.
SARAH
Yeah, Mom. I just wanted to go to the library, but Jenny said the library is boring, so she invited me to this New York style party at Melissa’s house. She said that all the kids on the Upper East Side do keg stands.
MOM
Well, that’s it. Jenny – First thing in the morning, you are packing up your things and going back to New York. We can’t have you setting a bad example for Sarah.
Jenny rolls her eyes. Gossip Girl’s voiceover:
NARRATOR
Looks like Jenny’s heart just wasn’t in the heartland. But can a big apple grow in Kenosha? Wisconsin might not have seen the last of Jenny Humphrey. Until next time, you know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl.